Mars ain't a great place to raise your kids...

For possibly the only time ever i will do a quarter of an entry on my favorite football team, the New York Jets. aka The Red Sox of Football or The Mets With Helmets.

It seems to me that the only big acquisitions this team ever makes is to either get down and out losers or previous violators of the leagues substance abuse policy. I loved that the lead in news story on MSN.com was "Jets sign former Cowboys QB Quincy Carter" Wow. What a sentence. They might as well have titled that "Jets sign former Cowboys QB and current burnout Quincy "I love the pot" Carter" That would have been a title more befitting of the transaction.

Last year their starting defensive tackle Josh Evans was "indefinitely suspended" because he tested positivie for marijuana three times. Since the NFL has a "three strike" rule, he was suspended for the entire season.

Earlier this week the Jets starting defensive end John Abraham failed a random drug test and could be fined up to 700,000. Last year he was arresting for DUI. (or BEING AN IDIOT)

My quibble is that i don't see my favorite team drafting or scouting for players based on character but based on how long it'll take them to land in jail. Es muy mal.


I was gonna write more but i've suddenly been run over by a truck. Beatles entry tomorrow...maybe

Notes on Laundry Day

I'd like to preface this entry by saying it is completely and utterly without point, focus or of any tangible importance to anyone but myself. These words only exist because for some reason i decided to type them. Here are their stories. Each one.

- I am completely competent in every way when i do laundry for other people. For example, if my father gives me a washing assignment, i can do it, and very well mind you. Or, for another example, if John walks here on a rainy day, i wash and dry his clothes pretty fucking well, or at least my washer and drier do.

After a recent string of positive washing experiences i attempted today to do my own laundry and i realized why i don't do it that often. Here are my points of discovery:

1. Half of "my" clothes were actually my sisters clothes.

2. Since my sister wears my shirts anyway i should just wait for her to do laundry and it would save me trouble, but alas, i'm just slightly prideful about washing my own clothes, apparently.

3. Whenever i do my own wash, the following things happen:

Between 4 and 6 shirts get washed

Between 2 and 5 pairs of boxers get washed

Usually 1 sock gets washed

Here is why i shouldn't do laundry, of all the articles of clothing i like to be clean, besides underwear is my socks. I can't stand dirty socks. Yet, whenever i do my own laundry i either wash just ONE sock, just one PAIR of socks, or a rather ridiculous odd number (earlier today i washed 23 individual socks, I'm going to be a man on an island when Day 13 shows up and i have ONE sock) Normally i wash 3 or 5 or 7 socks, i can't deal with it. Theres way to much pressure involved in the high stakes game of washing your own clothes, so i just have to get a job or become a prostitute so i can continually buy new clothes, or at least new socks. That way when i'm whoring myself on a wednesday afternoon and it's cold out i won't have to wonder if i'll enough socks for the whole day. I think this is a good course of action. I suspect that everyone will either agree or disagree with me.

The only paper that doesn't disolve or crumble in the wash are damn bazooka joe wrappers. I find this funny because it's the only paper that i really wish would disolve during the wash. You don't know what it's like to take your clothes out of the drier and you see yet another pointless, flat, stupid one liner just laying on the bottom of a stainless steel cylinder. Disgusting, truly the reason why everyone hates america.


I will never have enough socks.

Phish COULD have been....

http://proxy.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/faceoff/040817/part1If that doesn't inspire a slumbering writer to start writing again then i don't know what will.For my first post on this in well over a year i think, i could be wrong, in fact i probably am, i'm going to fully organize my current views on music, as it upsets me when i contradict myself to some people.

->All music has a purpose instilled in it by its Creator. That purpose can be criticized, it can be called crap, it can be described as "treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality" but the merits of such a concotion cannot be discounted. Usually when i hear something i don't like (i.e. Chris Carabba needs to fucking shut his God damn mouth) i will say it's shit, or i don't like it (Sometimes i will say it's "sentimental tacky crap" or it's "redifining minimalism" but for the point i'm trying to make those phrases have no relevance) basically what i'm trying to say is that I as a person am very willing to discredit the aesthetic qualities of something I'm hearing but to me it goes unstated that i have a certain amount of respect for the Creator of whatever piece I'm hearing. I mean, they took their time to at least write something I can criticize with reckless abandon I at least owe it to them to respect the fact that they wrote something worthy of my time as an asshole.

-> Phish COULD have been regarded as the greatest rock band ever if the never released a studio album and only released CERTAIN live albums. I will take Phish's Halloween '96 performance over pretty much any show in the rock genre ever. However, I will completely concede that there have been higher levels of consciousness reached during jazz performances and anyone wishing to have a clearer head needs to talk to Timothy Elias Doherty about Jazz. At least Mclaughlin and Zappa, you owe it to yourself.

Back to my point about Phish. Here is a band that is completely capable of stunning renditions of their own songs as well as songs written by ANYONE else. I mean, what other band could cover Deodato's funk remix of the "2001: A Space Odyssey" theme song, lesser known as "Also Sprach Zarathrusta"? No one. Not even moe. Sorry boys, but you just can't hack it.Although it is one of the lesser shows in their "Musical Costume" cannon, my purchase of Phish's 1994 Halloween show (Vol. 13 in the Live Phish Series for the record buying public) will always be something I'll regard as a "life altering" event. It wasn't so much as that performance changed my life, as the ramifications that occured after it. The offshoots of that purchase have influenced my life and the life of those around me more than i could put into words. However, the explanation of the previous is a column for another time.

I'll do part two some other time, i'll kick it off with something about the beatles.

boom

(just to clarify with everyone, i was not being serious about Phish being the greatest rock band ever. They are the very definition of "Hit or Miss")

bang