Notes on Laundry Day

I'd like to preface this entry by saying it is completely and utterly without point, focus or of any tangible importance to anyone but myself. These words only exist because for some reason i decided to type them. Here are their stories. Each one.

- I am completely competent in every way when i do laundry for other people. For example, if my father gives me a washing assignment, i can do it, and very well mind you. Or, for another example, if John walks here on a rainy day, i wash and dry his clothes pretty fucking well, or at least my washer and drier do.

After a recent string of positive washing experiences i attempted today to do my own laundry and i realized why i don't do it that often. Here are my points of discovery:

1. Half of "my" clothes were actually my sisters clothes.

2. Since my sister wears my shirts anyway i should just wait for her to do laundry and it would save me trouble, but alas, i'm just slightly prideful about washing my own clothes, apparently.

3. Whenever i do my own wash, the following things happen:

Between 4 and 6 shirts get washed

Between 2 and 5 pairs of boxers get washed

Usually 1 sock gets washed

Here is why i shouldn't do laundry, of all the articles of clothing i like to be clean, besides underwear is my socks. I can't stand dirty socks. Yet, whenever i do my own laundry i either wash just ONE sock, just one PAIR of socks, or a rather ridiculous odd number (earlier today i washed 23 individual socks, I'm going to be a man on an island when Day 13 shows up and i have ONE sock) Normally i wash 3 or 5 or 7 socks, i can't deal with it. Theres way to much pressure involved in the high stakes game of washing your own clothes, so i just have to get a job or become a prostitute so i can continually buy new clothes, or at least new socks. That way when i'm whoring myself on a wednesday afternoon and it's cold out i won't have to wonder if i'll enough socks for the whole day. I think this is a good course of action. I suspect that everyone will either agree or disagree with me.

The only paper that doesn't disolve or crumble in the wash are damn bazooka joe wrappers. I find this funny because it's the only paper that i really wish would disolve during the wash. You don't know what it's like to take your clothes out of the drier and you see yet another pointless, flat, stupid one liner just laying on the bottom of a stainless steel cylinder. Disgusting, truly the reason why everyone hates america.


I will never have enough socks.