The Curtain With

Where I post sometimes.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

In Memory of Brian Reid

Got drunk with the girls tonight. OMG funniest thing ever when Jenny sucked Timmy's cock and passed out in the bathroom. I gotta take a dump, brb.



With Love From Above in the Hands of the Almighty,

Ryan

Infomercials

Has anyone ever seen infomercials that advertise electric shavers? If you have i'd like to pose this question: Have you ever noticed that the main selling point of these company's products is not that it's cheap or of grand quality, it's that you can shave on the phone? Or on the drive to work? Or IN WORK at your fucking cubicle?!?!

WHO SHAVES AT WORK!?!!?

God i want to know the five idiots that keep buying products because of "usefullness at work", that ruin television watching for the rest of us, more importantly for me. It's seriously one of the 43 most ridiculous things i've ever seen. People shaving while on the phone. Imagine that conversation:

"Yeah bill it's kind of BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzz so i'll return your wife and kids BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ----BZZZZZ hold on i have to empty the hair recepticle, so as i was saying BZZZZZZZZZz and i won't do anything to harm Lucy until BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzz ok so i hope you get me the ransom i BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ remember 4 million dollars isn't alot of money to keep me from BZZZZZZZZZZZzz your wife. Bye now."

I bet thats happened to someone you know.

Everyone that currently possesess (sic?) On Demand should defintely On Request to watch the BBC Original Mini Series "State of Play". It's a wonderful murder investigation told through the eyes of the reporters investigating the crime rather then the police. Apparently in England the newspapers do more for law enforcement then the law enforcement. Plus you get to hear interesting phrases like "coppers" "welding" "chia pet" "farm animals?" and "antidisestablishutup". Lemme tell ya, British writing is streets ahead of our chaps up on the Courant hill.

I saw a dvd featuring Bob Dylan stoned in an English taxi with John Lennon. At one point Dylan uttered the phrase "I wanna go home man....*long pause* i wanna...i wanna see baseball...i wanna see a baseball game." Greatest drug moment since Flava Flav accidentally told the Prime Minister to "Suck it down to china town, and don't believe the hype...cuz yousa fucking white"

Maybe that didn't happen. But which of you would have figured otherwise? Hmmn? I think Flava Flav is in the elite group of people in which you could tell anyone they did anything and you'd believe them. Remember if you can use a celebritys name in the following sentence, they've hit rock bottom

"Hey did you hear that (celebritys name) recently (insert outrageous event)?"

Remember this doesn't just mean plausibilty, this means that if someone told you ANYTHING about that celebrity you would believe it without question. There are very few celebritys in this remarkable pantheon but the ones inducted are as follows:

Mike Tyson, Paris Hilton, Darryl Strawberry, Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, Ron Artest, Courtney Love, Elroy Jetson, Howard Dean, Bjork, George W. Bush (submitted by Brian) Alex Trebec (submitted by John Colon) Jesse Jackson.

If you have any that i missed feel free to comment and i'll see if they can be inducted in to the hall of fame.

~With Ever Lasting Gob Stoppers

Ryan

Friday, January 21, 2005

If Life Was Really Like Seinfeld

He sat at the table.

The ghost of a normal well adjusted man.

He walked over to where the milk was being kept. Inside the kitten consequently. He poured it with the grace of a swan, cleaning itself in a shallow pond.

Outward he looked, through the french doors and down the hallway. His suspicions were confirmed. He was still sleeping, for only inside a dream could there be a barren wasteland of dead plant life and decrepit architecture.

"Serves us right" Erich said.

Erich walked out of his house, seeing as his kitchen wall had just recently melted away in to the recesses of his consciousness.

A galant stroll ensued outside of his backyard which now resembled a very picturesque Monet painting he had bought the night before. He looked in the pool of water that was made up of dabs of rain and he proceeded to pick away each drop until all that was left was the canvas. Erich fell through the canvas and arrived at a cascade of lumped peanut butter, the batter of the man slowly dripped through the strainer that had arrived near the head board of his mind. Fearing the impending wrath being nearer then expected Erich concoted a brilliant assortment of colors next to his fingers with which to repaint the canvas be brought back to the surface of his dream.

Once there he galantly shouted:

"HOW? THE ALMIGHTY MUST ANSWER FORTHWITH!"

His watch broke and so did his water. He woke up in a pool of urine.


~Love, Ryan


Thursday, January 20, 2005

A Post For Taylor

So i bought Neils Bohr's Atomic Model a few days ago for $12.99 at a Borders in Manchester, CT.

Did i say Atomic Model?

Did i say Neils Bohr's?

No?

Alright then.

So more to the point i bought On The Beach by Neil Young (no relation) the other day and i have to say that i enjoy it about as much as a rectal examination while under anesthesia. Immensely. I like the production, I like the way Neil writes his songs and i like the words he uses. Especially when prepositions are involved but only if they modify a participle, but then thats getting bogged down in crap that isn't true and doesn't make sense. And that riff to Walk On, God how i love it so.

I also bought Faulkner's (no relation) "The Sound and The Fury". I decided i am reading far too little and that my brains are decreasing in overall tepid fruit punch fuhrer. So thus i'm reading a story told through the perspective of a retarded boy.

I also bought Casablanca (no relation). Anyone who hasn't seen that either deserves to be gutted with a fluffy pillow until their bottom turns green with the envy of the asses who have sat on said fluffy pillow, or they should just...you know...i guess...watch the movie. I think that's what i really mean here.

So after my mid year exam this morning i decided to go on an adventure and walk home. Four miles and 50 minutes later i decided that was a stupid idea and i walked back to school and waited for the bus. I missed the bus. Then i decided "Well, why not, you know 'run some shit' as the gangsta's call it" And i stole this kid's bike and sold it for...i think it was 12...no it was 14...14 miligrams of pure uncut Diamonds. And of course by Diamonds i mean Cocaine (no relation). After my successful "drug" score i bought a condo that takes up three fifths of the eastern seaboard. I'm looking to franchise my restaurant next thursday.


Huzzah. Go listen to Ambulance Blues.


Sincerely,

Hal